


Lance McClain doesn’t have a bad life

by urmom08



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: I don’t know how I feel about this, M/M, minor description of suicidal thoughts, minor descriptions of self harm, no beta we die like men, slight homophobia, there’s some ocs but they’re minor and have no names or descriptions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:48:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27803326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/urmom08/pseuds/urmom08
Summary: Lance likes to think he didn’t have a bad life. He has two amazing parents and had 4 okay older siblings. He didn’t grow up in a bad life, his parents might have been a little emotionally absent but that was nothing. He didn’t have a bad life. He likes to think it was generally really good. So where, where did it go all wrong?
Relationships: Allura & Coran & Hunk & Keith & Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt & Shiro, Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Lance McClain doesn’t have a bad life

**Author's Note:**

> TW!!: there is description of self harm and mentions of suicidal thoughts. there’s also a scene where Lance throws up.

Lance likes to think he didn’t have a bad life. He has two amazing parents and had 4 okay older siblings. He didn’t grow up in a bad life, his parents might have been a little emotionally absent but that was nothing. He didn’t have a bad life. He likes to think it was generally really good. So where, where did it go all wrong? 

He doesn’t mean to sound dramatic but that’s how he’s feeling right now in the middle of space alone. Well alone is an overstatement he had Hunk and Pidge, sometimes Shiro, Allura, and Coran. And on super rare occasions he even had Keith! So no he wasn’t alone, that was a bad word choice, Lance felt lonely. With this loneliness came the unwavering sadness. 

Sometimes, only sometimes it feels like he wants to just up and die. Which would probably be very likely given the circumstances that they are in the middle of a space war. 

Sighing as he left the bathroom he sent up a quick prayer for God to either kill him or give him the strength to live another day. He loves the thrill of the 50/50 chance he’ll live or die. Not saying these prayers will even work but Lance was getting pretty desperate.

Although his method sounds drastic Lance would never actually kill himself. He’s too scared of the unknown, but that doesn’t mean he’s against harming himself.

During all this internal monologue he realized he was just standing outside of the bathroom like a weirdo. So he continued his walk to his room. But since his life is so comical he had to run into Keith.

The new and improves Keith, the Keith that has no more mommy issues and got super hot. Lance would deny the fact that he finds Keith hot but sweet mother of god have you seen that jawline? 

Him and Keith made eye contact and no his heart did not go ”doki doki”. Lance gave him his normal smirk and said, “What’s up Mullet?”

Remain calm and rational, “I’m good Lance what about you?”

Well if he was an honest man he would answer feeling kinda gay, depressed, ya know the normal teenage stuff but instead he replied with, “I’m fine”

He would have just left it at there but Keith was giving him this look. It was like I know somethings wrong but I don’t want to ask you because I’m emotionally constipated. 

So he took lead of the conversation and boldly proclaimed, “Let’s hang out!” 

Keith poor emotionally constipated Keith said “Uh yeah okay sounds good”

So they went to the training areas because that was all Keith really liked and Lance needs to improve.

They train for about an hour before they start feeling tired. He took a deep breath and left for the shared shower rooms. He and Keith must’ve had the same idea (how convenient, why couldn’t he just use his own bathroom?). Well stating that I guess it’s hypocritical because Lance himself isn’t using his shower. 

As he took his shirt off he felt eyes on him. Damn Mullet what a tease he thought to himself as he tuned around, “You like what you see?”, his voice was teasing.

Keith looked at him in almost horror as he asked, “There’s scars all over your arm”

Idiot he mentally cursed himself, they were old back when it was really bad. Back when he generally thought he wasn’t gonna make it past 16. Well surprise bitch you did.

“They’re old”, he fired back off handedly. Lance hasn’t really thought about them that much. When he had done them no one even noticed. And if they did they didn’t really care.

“You’re being dramatic”, one of his school fiends told him when they had found out ”Stop being such a fucking pussy and deal with it”

“What a sissy”, another commented 

“Didn’t know McClain was batshit, what a freak”

“If you keep this up we’re going to have to drop you. We don’t want to hang around someone who isn’t mentally here you know”

That’s not a memory he likes too relive. After that he had told those same school friends that he thinks he might like boys and they had played it off as a joke. When they realized he was serious they called him a fairy and dropped him. One of them even punched him.

God he hates conservatives.

He generally forgot he was talking to Keith until he asked, “Do you still, you know”

“No”, Lance said with finality. 

He walked out guess he wasn’t taking a shower today. As he reached his room and finally lied down in his bed he let his mind wonder.

“You’re a fucking bitch McClain, I mean I always knew you were a sissy but damn can you really not handle a little sadness”, a faceless boy taunted.

It’s more he wanted to shout it’s not like sadness! It’s like there’s a weight on his chest and fog in his brain, that isn’t sadness right? He wasn’t weak right?

he remembered the first time he cut, he was in the 6th grade and felt like he was drowning in his own head. He doesn’t remember feeling anything afterwards. He could still laugh the same and joke around the same, so he was fine right?

“Did you hear”, A nameless girl whispered, “McClain likes boys”

“Lance likes boys?”, her friend whispered back at her. 

Everyone looked at him with either disgust or confusion, “That’s not true!”, He remembered shouting, “I like girls I do I swear”

“How disgusting” A friend of his remarked.

“I heard homos go to hell”, another girl piped up. 

“Are you an idiot? Homos don’t go to hell they’re the same as us they can’t help it if they like the same sex”, Another girl (deemed his savior) piped in.

He wanted to scream at the crowd that he wasn’t different that he also likes girls! 

The crowd became faceless nobodies who’s words will always haunt him. That day seemed to have lasted forever but when he got home he knew what he wanted to do.

He searched for his trusty razor. He placed it gently again his skin and pressed down he felt reborn with the pain. He watched gleefully as the blood dripped down. As he finished he looked at himself in the mirror. He looked into his broken blue eyes and whispered, “You’d be better off dead”

After that he quickly left the school to go to the galaxy garrison to continue his studies in space and flight. But seriously listen Lance McClain does not have a bad life.

He started cutting for seemingly no reason. Was isn’t because he was lonely? Or he really was weak.

Lance shook himself out of his thoughts, he wasn’t twelve anymore he can handle a little questioning. He decided to focus on what was good in his life before he dozed off. 

He woke up to a loud banging on his door, “Lance, it’s dinner”, The voice he now knew was Hunk’s.

Lance dragged his body to the dinner table where everyone was making conversation. At one point he joined in shooting his classic finger guns and one liners.

As dinner winded down Pidge spoke up, “G-guys”, They said to get everyone’s attention.

And everyone did give them their full attention, “You know how things have been stressful lately and I didn’t really know what to do, s-so I cut”, it was all said in one breath and sounded like they were gonna cry. 

Everyone looked generally shocked, but the silence was broken by Allura asking what exactly cutting was. Although by the name Lance assumed she could have guessed it.

Instead of explaining they lifted up their sleeve to show a singular cut.

Stop Lance wanted to shout at them. They’re going to yell at you, they’re gonna shame you for it stop Pidge please. Please don’t end up like me he pleaded in his mind.

Except they didn’t do any of that, Shiro stood up and pulled Pidge into a hug, whispering things like “it’s fine”, or “you’re alright”. Soon the rest of the team joined in. Lance stood awkwardly to the side, why didn’t they yell at them? Why didn’t they tell Pidge they were weak? Why are they helping them? 

Lance was going to be sick. He ran out of the kitchen and into his bathroom where he feel on his knees and threw up into the toilet. As he regained his composer and washed his mouth he calmly walked back to the kitchen.

In his little escape he guessed that Pidge decided to head to bed but all the rest of the paladins remained in the kitchen talking amongst themselves.

“Lance!”, Shiro called out, “Where were you? Pidge needed your support”

“Yeah man it wasn’t cool just to walk out like that” Hunk added.

Keith was giving him a concerned glare as he spoke up, “Why did you leave?”

“Why didn’t you yell at them?”, Lance questioned but he wasn’t done there, “Why did you comfort them? Why did you not tell them they were being overdramatic or too sensitive? I mean it was only one cut damn.” 

Everyone looked generally shocked at that statement. Then the whole room exploded with conversation.

“WHY WOULD WE SAY ANY OF THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?!” Allura shouted.

“Did someone say those things to you?” Shiro followed up.

“Even if it was one cut that’s still self harm”, Hunk added.

“Then why? Why did they tell me I was weak. I have so many more cuts than that! My whole god damn arm is filled with them! Why does that make me weak and Pidge strong. Why was considered so god damn weak. Was it because I wasn’t fighting a war? Was it because of the fact that there was more? TELL ME FUCKING TELL ME” Lance never said so much so fast and so confused. 

He didn’t realize he was crying until Keith walked up to him and wiped his tears away, “Whoever said that to you is an asshole. You are strong, so strong sometimes you outshine all of us with just a simple smile” 

He chocked back a sob as he placed his head on Keith’s shoulder and started to cry. 

“Yeah Lance”, they all chorused, “You are strong you’re are sharpshooter!!”

That day Lance McClain felt the weight that has been crushing him for years finally ease up. 

As he lied in his bed he whispered to himself, “It really isn’t a bad life, ey”


End file.
